changethetape

The Book was called:  

How EB Never Gives Up Hope That She Can Have the Body She Wants

Chapters included:

• EB Changes the Tape: An inspired story of how positive thinking and re-framing situations might just help beat back the Fat Demons
• EB Tests Positive: A revealing story of how blood work can create brand new ways to obsess over one’s diet.
• EB Misses Bread: A hangry story of how eliminating 75% of foods on a normal diet can give you perspective….and drive you insane.

August to November

So I gave up on the gluten free, dairy free, 100-other-things-free plan. I followed it for almost 3 months and here is what I learned:

• I have, no doubt about it, a lactose intolerance.
• Eating your weight in protein does NOT curb carb cravings.
• I can be REALLY disciplined when I want to be.

In the end, I was so unhappy I just had to stop. It wasn’t the right plan or the right time for me. My issues with food go far deeper than any sensitivity testing could diagnose. To be honest, removing all of those foods and following the guidelines so strictly was MUCH easier than the work I really need to do. The mush. That part where I dive a little deeper into the “why” of it all. <shudder>

I do want to say that I soooo appreciate all the support I received from my wellness coach, Lindsay, and from friends and family while I made it impossible for us to dine together 😉 I ask for your continued support now, though, because this work…this is the real work.

What if I Just Ate Whatever I Wanted?

Because I’m bigger now then I have been in 10 years and I’m never long without a new strategy, I began meeting with a registered dietician (RD). Intuitive Eating is the name of the game now. The idea is that you not only pay attention to signs of hunger and fullness, but you respect them by eating when you are actually hungry and stopping when you are full and satiated.

Check out this website for more info.

It’s hard…tuning in to what my body really wants and needs. With my schedule, I eat at the same time whether I’m hungry or not, making it difficult to honor true hunger pangs. I often head them off before they happen because I have to eat by the clock instead of by natural signals of hunger.

My bigger challenge with this approach is the trust factor. I am not sure I have ever trusted my body to tell me what it needs. I have been dieting for so long, it’s never had a chance to. I have dictated every aspect of eating from a “follow this plan” perspective and never just eaten based on what I want.

To eat whatever I want is terrifying. According to my PhD student friend who edits these gems, that fear has a name. It’s called “choice paralysis” and it means that you are figuratively paralyzed at the thought of too much choice/freedom. Interesting. (Colleen, should this be a footnote? P.S. Thanks Dr. Galluzo!)

Convo between my RD and me:

• Me: So you’re telling me if I want a cheeseburger for lunch every day, I should have it?
• RD: In theory? Yes. Think about it. If you had a cheeseburger every day for lunch, how long would you still WANT that cheeseburger?
• Me: I don’t know. A week? I feel like eventually I’d want a salad or something after all that.
• RD: YES!!! Exactly. You’ve stifled what you actually want for so long that perhaps at first, when given cart blanche to eat anything you want you might overdo it. But you already know that after a while, your body would self-regulate and say, “Hey! I want a salad!”

 

But what if I gain 50 pounds while my body figures out how to “regulate?”

 

Which is why my I am working with my RD to set what a reasonable amount of food for me should be, what it consists of and how I’m feeling when I’m eating so my weight doesn’t balloon out of control.

But I still get to eat what I want. Including bread. And potatoes. WHITE potatoes. Crazy, right?

Crazy awesome.

Exchanging Obsession for Intuition

“Exchanges” is the new key term in my life. Protein exchanges, starch (gasp) exchanges, fat, veggie, fruit, dairy exchanges. I am not worried about calories (ahem); rather I am focused on fueling for my daily activity with a varied, balanced diet. Now, that’s not to say my RD didn’t give me a few guidelines in terms of portions – though – I’m fairly certain that was for my sanity and not because she wanted me to stay within a particular calorie range. Go Kaleo (https://gokaleo.com/ ) is my current hero regarding reasonable thinking about food and a whole lotta other things. This pictorial sums up food sanity.

What I’ve learned so far:

• I was never truly listening to my body and eating when I was hungry, and more importantly stopping when I was full.
• It is hard, really hard to break the habit of “bad foods” vs. “good foods.”
• Bread, potatoes and corn are NOT the devil.

Mounds of Success

The most important part of this process for me has been learning to trust myself around food. I typically have very black and white thinking on this. If I eat something “bad,” I am bad. I have failed. I recently shared this from Go Kaleo on my Facebook page:

You binge. Then you heap abuse upon yourself for being so weak. Then you diet. Then you binge. Then you heap more abuse upon yourself. Then you diet. Then you binge. And so on and so forth.