I’m joining Kim in reflecting on 2015 by answering a question a day in December.
Day 14: Limiting beliefs. We all harbor limiting beliefs about something. “I’m not good at X.” “I can’t do Y.” “I’m not enough Z.”
Oh boy. How much time ya got?
I’m sure I am not unique in this, but my thoughts about what I can and cannot do seem conflicted.
On the one hand, I feel very confident that if I put my mind to it, there isn’t much I couldn’t accomplish. I grew up with parents who supported me and pushed me to work hard. I didn’t always listen in the moment, but the message sunk in. I could do anything. Be anything. I just had to try. I was capable.
I do still think that way. If I wanted to be a doctor, I could be a doctor. I am capable of becoming a doctor. Or a lawyer. Maybe not a starter for the UConn Women’s basketball team, but an architect? Sure.
Somehow though, I also developed a crippling need for approval. I needed, still do, validation for everything. “Did you see that?” “Was that what you wanted?” “Did I do it right?” “Is that okay?” So much of my conscious mind is tied up in being told I’m good, or doing okay, or making the right decision. On second thought, don’t get me started on decision making…
I’m not sure how to get out from under it. I’m not sure how I can have so much confidence in my abilities and yet feel an overbearing need for someone to tell me they believe in me before I’ll try.
Specifically? My limiting beliefs are as follows:
- I am a fraud.
- I will never be the weight I “should” be.
- I cannot make decisions without others’ opinions.
Just another thing to work on next year I suppose.