changethetape

Personality.  Has this busy and festive month got all the Introverts like…  wah!  And all the extroverts like…  yeah!  Tell us how your personality enhances or takes away from the current mood.  What are your strategies to deal?

I am generally a “More the Merrier” kind of gal. I have always enjoyed being around people and I thrive on the energy of the group. It’s why I was far less fulfilled by personal training than I am by group fitness. It’s why my home was the go-to for gatherings for years. I liked to entertain and I liked to be around people.

This year has been different, though. I have been much more introspective and private. I have prioritized my marriage and my family over friends, the gym, and social activities.

It was very intentional at the beginning of the year – coming off #reverb15 and having taken the time to consider what was most important to me as well as what needed the most attention made me pretty laser-focused for a while.

As the year went on, it was far less intentional and just more…natural. I outgrew a small amount of my overwhelming need to be accepted and needed and liked by the group – any group – and I have many of them.

At work: I finally recognized my bosses were never going to respect or accept me, let alone like me and so I found a new job – a new career, in fact – and have been reveling in the “fresh start” and appreciation I feel here.

At the gym: I finally stopped feeling solely responsible for the success of BodyJam at XSport and I stopped feeling solely responsible for covering every class, regardless of format, that needed a sub. This has gone over with mixed reviews, but I have never been more sure of a decision in my life so…I’m ok with that.

In my circle of friends: I finally prioritized my needs (and this year there have been many) over just trying to please everyone. That has also gone over with mixed reviews, of course, as I am sure it seems I have done a 180 by closing my usually VERY open book of a life and hunkering down to work on and take care of…me. It’s uncomfortable still, even writing it. It still feels very selfish at times and I struggle almost daily with finding balance between self-care and nurturing friendships. There are a few times in life when this focus on self cannot be avoided and I am smack dab in the middle of that right now. I hope my circle will give me grace as I work through this difficult time. I love them all…

In 2016, I found myself drawn more to one v one interaction than I ever have been before. I craved private time with Mark. I focused on a few individual friendships and noticed a big difference in the closeness that created. It wasn’t a conscious choice. It just seemed be be what I needed most. I have well documented trouble with appropriately leveled responses to things. My pendulum swings and it swings BIG. 

So I think it is fair to say that I have probably over-corrected yet again in the “closing my big, open, book of a life.” That 180 I did on the groups in my life was a left turn from where I naturally thrive. I hope 2017 helps me center myself again and I can find that balance of personal time while still involving myself in all of my energy source…my groups.

I’ve been so tired…all year…it’s really no wonder why…