New Chapter…or New Book?

The Book was called:  

How EB Never Gives Up Hope That She Can Have the Body She Wants

Chapters included:

  • EB Changes the Tape: An inspired story of how positive thinking and re-framing situations might just help beat back the Fat Demons
  • EB Tests Positive: A revealing story of how blood work can create brand new ways to obsess over one’s diet.
  • EB Misses Bread: A hangry story of how eliminating 75% of foods on a normal diet can give you perspective….and drive you insane.

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The Chase

Picture it:

You wake up and as you get out of bed you think, “I’m gonna pee and then go weigh myself.” You do, in that order of course, and when you find yourself down .2 from last night, you sigh….That’s it?
 
You don’t just get dressed. You pull out 4 bottoms and 3 tops – all different colors. You begin with the first combination. You stare at your self in the mirror. From the front…not bad. From the side… hell no. You rip it off and try again. Black bottoms. Always black bottoms. Why do you ever attempt the gray capris? After trying the 3 tops on, you put them all back (or in my case, leave them strewn about) and grab the black top that, if you were being honest, you knew you were going to wear from the beginning . From the side…Not awful. From the front…You don’t hate it. If you suck it in.
You move on.
You make your coffee (not the way you like it though, no no. You’re watching your figure) and open the fridge to find breakfast or grab your lunch for later. You just stare. You run all the possible scenarios: If I take leftovers for lunch, I better portion them out now. Or I could grab a salad at work. But if I do that, I might cave and get blue cheese dressing. Or french fries. No, no, I’ll take the leftovers. But will it be enough? Should I grab some fruit? Or nuts. Yeah, I grab some almonds. I better portion them out now though….
When you get to work, you wonder if everyone has noticed that you are sucking it in. Or worse, noticed when you weren’t. You’re a fraud, of course. These clothes don’t fit as well as they should and everybody knows it. 
Lunch is 12 round boxing match in your brain.
I brought leftovers.
I don’t want leftovers.
If I buy food, I’ll just regret it.
But shouldn’t I eat what I WANT?
Ugh, but then I’ll feel bad.
And I’ll probably eat too much.
Maybe I’ll just go see what they have.
Nope, gotta stay the course…
I WANT PIZZA!!!!!
 
You eat your leftovers and you applaud your self control.
 
Dinner is only slightly better because it was preplanned. Unless you go out…
 
As you get ready for bed, you think about all the ways you failed your body that day. The extra cream in your coffee…You missed your favorite group fitness class (ahem, BodyJam, ahem) for a work meeting…You ate that dinner roll…or 3…. Even now, you’re not getting to bed early enough which means your cravings will be worse tomorrow and you’ll be able to blame lack of sleep when you reach for the fun size (read: tease) Snickers that you’re already planning to “need” at 3 PM…

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Month One? Check.

 

Weight: 157.4 (0)
Pain: 4 out of 10
Cravings: 5 out of 10
Mood: Eh
Energy: 3 out of 10

ENola Virus

I’m just going to pretend Week 3 didn’t exist. Who’s with me? 
Fine, but you’re only getting the high (low) lights.

  • I returned from Les Mills Quarterly with the ENola virus. Thank you, PleatherB, for naming the plague that struck not only me, but many instructors upon our return from New Orleans. I think along with Fitness Magic, New Orleans delivered sore throats, sinus infections, coughs, colds, body aches and general malaise. Maybe they looooove Newton’s Third Law. Action:Reaction? That’s the only thing I can figure. In order to have THAT MUCH FUN, you must then be SO SO MISERABLE. 
  • Being that sick lead to cravings. Not just your average, “I could go for a piece of chocolate right now.” or ” “Man, I wish I had some ice cream.” cravings. No, no, no. I’m talking about Comfort Food Cravings (CFC). CFC’s are only one step above hangover cravings and one step below pregnancy cravings in the Cravings Hierarchy. All I wanted was Friendly’s Chicken Noodle Soup with 1000 Saltine crackers crumbled into it, my mom’s baked mac n’ cheese – specifically the edges with the crusty cheese bits, and raisin bran cereal with whole milk; 6-10 small bowls because everyone knows if you pour too much at a time it gets soggy and soggy cereal is gross. My amazing husband, Mark, and my partner in all things fun, Jaime, will disagree, but they are wrong. Don’t listen to them. DO eat your cereal quickly. Now, I did not eat any of those things. I did, however, INSIST that Jaime bring me UTZ Sour Cream and Onion potato chips. With ripples. This product lovingly referred to as crack in our home. Feel free to judge us for being insensitive to those with actual crack addictions but then also feel free stop taking things so seriously. I digress. We rarely have crack, but when we do….God it makes me happy. I know what you’re thinking. “But Elizabeth, sour cream? You’re dairy free!” Well this might just hand you the surprise of your life, but there is no actual sour cream in this product! There are potatoes, though. I checked.

Continue reading “Month One? Check.”

Focus on THIS

Weight: 155.4 (-2.0)

Pain: 6 out of 10
Cravings: 1 out of 10
Mood: Thrilled
Energy: 7 out of 10

Week one is in the books. Seven days of gluten free, dairy free, and red and orange ALCAT column free eating have passed and my life has CHANGED! All is right with the world! I feel AMAZING!!

Just kidding.

BUT, in many ways, I did have a really good week. I have been asked, “How’s it going? Has it been hard?”, probably 30 times. The truth is, it really hasn’t been hard. Even Saturday, when we had friends over to watch the World Cup, I did just fine. There were so many temptations that are no longer “allowed” in the house regularly and I really didn’t have trouble staying away. I made sure there was plenty I could eat and after having such a positive week, the weekend was completely manageable.
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Soooooooo Sensitive

Weight: 157.4
Pain: 6 out of 10
Cravings: 1 out of 10
Mood: Positive and hopeful
Energy: 3 out of 10


 

 
Hello, hello. It feels wonderful to be writing again! I am taking a new step towards wellness and it begins today. Today, I become your social calendar’s worst nightmare: The Gluten Free, Dairy Free, Food Sensitivity Riddled Dinner Guest. I never thought I could or would do this, but it turns out when you are desperate enough, you’ll give anything a try. Even giving up cheese. It’s downright blasphemy, but I’m giving it a whirl and I’m inviting you along for the ride.

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Accept and Respect

Last week I leaped into The Mush.

It was unintentional.
In truth, it was the opposite outcome from what I was seeking at the beginning of the week.

I started last Monday down another .8 lbs and with the intention of writing a blog post about a pound being a pound and how it was progress however slow and insignificant it felt, it was still progress. I was fired up and ready write. I also had an appointment with a behavior analyst (BA) scheduled on Friday to discuss why I continually sabotage my weight loss goals. We would identify the trouble behaviors and create a plan to retrain myself on how to deal with them.

I was ready. Ready to take control of my bad eating habits and delve into changing those crazy behaviors so I could finally reach my weight loss goals. So I could finally start looking and feeling the part of the fitness professional I purport to be. This, this was going to be the fix and I was ready.

Right.

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Day One

I have a friend, who, like many of us, is really hard on herself when it comes to successes in nutrition and fitness. She judges herself harshly, gives herself very little credit and in return is not able to enjoy her little wins the way she should. Example: In a recent message to me, she outlined how little motivation she had to get back on the wagon. She lamented a recent weight gain and was just generally feeling down and out about the work ahead of her.

Continue reading “Day One”