changethetape

Here we are. Reverb 2017. Oh what a year it has been. First 2017 prompt:

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…

In 2017, Mark and I made a concerted effort to focus on our marriage. After five years, life had gotten in the way of what made us US and we knew we needed to find a way to rediscover our couplehood after all the excitement of weddings and houses and puppy dogs and career changes. Those things are great for sure, but for the first few years of marriage, we were living exciting change to exciting change and when the changes stopped coming, so did the excitement.

Marriage is hard. Not always, not everyday, but it certainly has its moments. We are not faultless as human beings. We hurt; we fail; we ignore; we take for granted. And after five years and some trying situations, it can be a seductive idea to walk away and start fresh. Shrug off the disappointments and dream of the one who would never allow doubt into the equation of your perfect relationship. That person HAS to be out there, right?

Wrong. We are not faultless as human beings. Weren’t you paying attention? It was only four sentences ago! Keep up!

We could walk away. We could find other people. We might even find someone great. But we aren’t going to find someone perfect. They don’t exist and thank God for that, because if they did, the pressure to live up to the PERFECT mate…Jesus. That’s just the kind of thing my anxiety is made of, peeps.

If we’re being real real, and you KNOW I like to keep it real real, my perfect, imperfect mate is Mark. We are very different people. Very. Different. People. But..he brings out the best in me. He is the first person with whom I want to share news. He is MY guy and I am so proud of that. Maybe that’s why I know it can work and maybe that’s why I want to keep trying, keep really working.

What did my true love give me this year?

He gave me a reason to fight for me, for him, for us. He gave me direction and purpose. He reminded me of what is truly important to me. He reminded me fighting for what you want can be so hard and there can be so many roadblocks, but in the end, you will never regret the effort you put in to something you really want. Even if you don’t get it.

So Mark, please know, you are worth every laugh, every argument, every Sunday morning cup of coffee, every doubt, every revelation, every hard, honest moment, and certainly you are worth my love, loyalty, and dedication for as long as you’ll have me.

You are my true love.